Fic: "Spiralling Towards Home"
Apr. 20th, 2007 09:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aibhinn_ficsTitle: Spiralling Towards Home
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
aibhinn
Pairing/Characters: Ten/Jack, Ten/Jack/Rose, implied Ten/Rose
Beta:wendymr, dark_aegis, and larielromeniel.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: DW Doomsday and Smith and Jones; TW End of Days. Also, the previous fics in this series: You Can Go Home Again (Ten/Jack) and Homecoming (Ten/Rose, Rose/OMC).
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Not mine, though if Jack had a free evening….
Summary: Much better just to say goodbye and move on. He's done it countless times before; he can do it again. Because it isn't about his happiness, is it? It never is.
Challenge: I-Ching #28. Be watchful for the moment of change and move accordingly. Meanwhile, do not move too soon. It is a simple rule of life that things move to an extreme and then swing back, like a pendulum. This is such a situation.
Written for the March challenge on![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
dwliterotica. All quotations are from the Tao Te Ching. The translation I used can be found here. This is the third of a four-story series. The others are You Can Go Home Again, Homecoming, and Home is Where the Heart Is.
It is easier to carry an empty cup
than one that is filled to the brim.
The TARDIS is quieter these days. No sound of showers, or clanking of dishes, or telly blaring out Footballers' Wives. No bras hanging in the loo, or lipstick smears on his favourite mug.
No laughter. No teasing. No bright, mischievous female smile, nor flirtatious male smirk.
He doesn't need anyone. He'd told Donna the truth: when it comes down to it, it's always been him, alone. Him and the TARDIS, the only truly "forever" love he'll have.
It's easier that way.
Though sometimes he turns on Footballers' Wives himself, just to catch up on the story.
***
Love the whole world as if it were your self;
then you will truly care for all things.
Funny little world, this. He's spent so much time here—relative time, his own time—that anyone would think he knows everything there is to know about human nature. This tiny island in the northeastern Atlantic is nearly as much 'home' as the TARDIS herself. Maybe he ought to take a holiday there. Find Bessie and go for a spin. Immerse himself in wonderful, beautiful, thoroughly decadent and altogether provincial humanity. Just to ground himself a bit.
How many times has he risked his life for this planet? More than he can count. And why, really? His people never understood—never began to comprehend his fascination with this race of stupid apes that are always mucking about, endangering the time-line with their petty little wants and their "but what if I could save him?" pleas. Reapers aren't the worst consequence of playing with Time. Whole universes can implode. Two universes. Much better just to say goodbye and move on. He's done it countless times before; he can do it again. Because it isn't about his happiness, is it? It never is. It's about the universe. Keeping it safe. Letting the ordinary people live their lives. Food, sleep, work, telly, not necessarily in that order. Ordinary people are the most important beings in existence. It's his job to protect them.
As he'd stared at a projection of a Norwegian beach, that had been more difficult to remember than ever.
***
Who can be still
until their mud settles
and the water is cleared by itself?
Another companion. It was bound to happen, really; there are so many fascinating beings out there, so many to whom he can show the beauty of the universe. And besides, the TARDIS was feeling lonely with only him to keep her company.
A medical student with a family. He doesn't do families—well, didn't used to. That was before he'd realised he'd inadvertently become part of one. Martha's is quite mad, though. Mum and Dad split, Dad has a new girlfriend, and everyone—parents, siblings, all of them—depend on her to keep the peace. Hardly surprising that she'd want a bit of a respite. Let the dust settle, give her a chance to clear her thoughts. Nobody could possibly think straight with medical school and a family and all distracting them.
He tells himself that's why he took her on: she needs some space, and she's clever, and she's willing to take risks. It's not because he's desperately lonely. It's not because even the TARDIS isn't enough to fill the gaping, Rose-shaped hole in his life. It's not because the silence is overwhelming.
Though it is true that running for his life with a friendly hand in his does a good job of distracting him from the memories, at least for a while. At least until she goes to her bed, alone, and so does he.
***
I drift on the waves on the ocean,
blown at the mercy of the wind.
Martha knows the truth, and she's trying to get him to accept it. What she doesn't seem to understand is that he has accepted it; he accepted it long ago.
He's in love with Rose Tyler.
And he's not getting over it.
But he's not going to dwell on it. That way lies madness. If he dwelt on everyone he's ever loved and lost, he'd never be able to do anything else. He can't sit down and talk about everything, the way she seems to want him to. He has to keep moving on, looking forward. Because eventually, he'll lose her, too, even if she doesn't realise it. There is no 'forever.'
But when the rumours of a Captain Jack Harkness reach his ears, he allows himself to hope that there might be an 'again'. And when he finds Jack again, and discovers what Jack's gone through since Satellite Five, the love and the need and the loneliness and the compassion overwhelm him.
He leans forward and kisses Jack.
And the kissing leads to much, much more.
Lying beside Jack afterwards, the Doctor struggles with himself. How much should he tell Jack? How much would it be kind for him to know? Is it fair to burden Jack with the Doctor's own load of guilt and pain? But there's a ghost between them: the ghost of the third who once had been their lodestone, the sun around which they had orbited and who, in her own way, had brought warmth and life back to each of them.
He finds himself saying quietly into the silence: "Rose isn't dead."
Jack doesn't respond for a long moment. "What happened to her?" he asks at last.
The story is long and painful in the telling. At the end of it, he's in Jack's arms again, spooned against him with the ex-conman curled protectively around him. The Doctor takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly, pressing backward into Jack's warmth. The arms around him tighten briefly.
"I might know how we can get her back," Jack says.
***
great love extracts a great cost
The Doctor steps out of the TARDIS onto an American beach and finds her there, smiling and teary-eyed and packed, ready to leave. Three steps later, she's holding him tightly. He closes his eyes, fighting back the tears that threaten. Somehow, he lets go of her enough to pull back and look into her eyes, and finally, he is able to say the five words that he's wanted to say for all these years. Finally, he is able to touch his lips again to hers, taste the sweetness that is Rose, feel her body pressed against him.
But his heart isn't yet whole. Not quite. Not until they're back in the TARDIS. Rose hugs Jack, and then, as one, the two of them turn to him and hold out their hands. He comes to them, and they wrap their arms around each other in a tight, warm three-way hug. He bows his head, resting his cheek against Rose's hair and feeling Jack's lips soft against his forehead. "I love you," someone says. It's not until their arms tighten even more around him that he realises the speaker is himself.
***
All creatures in the universe
return to the point where they began.
Author:
aibhinnPairing/Characters: Ten/Jack, Ten/Jack/Rose, implied Ten/Rose
Beta:
wendymr, dark_aegis, and larielromeniel.Rating: PG
Spoilers: DW Doomsday and Smith and Jones; TW End of Days. Also, the previous fics in this series: You Can Go Home Again (Ten/Jack) and Homecoming (Ten/Rose, Rose/OMC).
Warnings: None
Disclaimer: Not mine, though if Jack had a free evening….
Summary: Much better just to say goodbye and move on. He's done it countless times before; he can do it again. Because it isn't about his happiness, is it? It never is.
Challenge: I-Ching #28. Be watchful for the moment of change and move accordingly. Meanwhile, do not move too soon. It is a simple rule of life that things move to an extreme and then swing back, like a pendulum. This is such a situation.
Written for the March challenge on
dwliterotica. All quotations are from the Tao Te Ching. The translation I used can be found here. This is the third of a four-story series. The others are You Can Go Home Again, Homecoming, and Home is Where the Heart Is.It is easier to carry an empty cup
than one that is filled to the brim.
The TARDIS is quieter these days. No sound of showers, or clanking of dishes, or telly blaring out Footballers' Wives. No bras hanging in the loo, or lipstick smears on his favourite mug.
No laughter. No teasing. No bright, mischievous female smile, nor flirtatious male smirk.
He doesn't need anyone. He'd told Donna the truth: when it comes down to it, it's always been him, alone. Him and the TARDIS, the only truly "forever" love he'll have.
It's easier that way.
Though sometimes he turns on Footballers' Wives himself, just to catch up on the story.
***
Love the whole world as if it were your self;
then you will truly care for all things.
Funny little world, this. He's spent so much time here—relative time, his own time—that anyone would think he knows everything there is to know about human nature. This tiny island in the northeastern Atlantic is nearly as much 'home' as the TARDIS herself. Maybe he ought to take a holiday there. Find Bessie and go for a spin. Immerse himself in wonderful, beautiful, thoroughly decadent and altogether provincial humanity. Just to ground himself a bit.
How many times has he risked his life for this planet? More than he can count. And why, really? His people never understood—never began to comprehend his fascination with this race of stupid apes that are always mucking about, endangering the time-line with their petty little wants and their "but what if I could save him?" pleas. Reapers aren't the worst consequence of playing with Time. Whole universes can implode. Two universes. Much better just to say goodbye and move on. He's done it countless times before; he can do it again. Because it isn't about his happiness, is it? It never is. It's about the universe. Keeping it safe. Letting the ordinary people live their lives. Food, sleep, work, telly, not necessarily in that order. Ordinary people are the most important beings in existence. It's his job to protect them.
As he'd stared at a projection of a Norwegian beach, that had been more difficult to remember than ever.
***
Who can be still
until their mud settles
and the water is cleared by itself?
Another companion. It was bound to happen, really; there are so many fascinating beings out there, so many to whom he can show the beauty of the universe. And besides, the TARDIS was feeling lonely with only him to keep her company.
A medical student with a family. He doesn't do families—well, didn't used to. That was before he'd realised he'd inadvertently become part of one. Martha's is quite mad, though. Mum and Dad split, Dad has a new girlfriend, and everyone—parents, siblings, all of them—depend on her to keep the peace. Hardly surprising that she'd want a bit of a respite. Let the dust settle, give her a chance to clear her thoughts. Nobody could possibly think straight with medical school and a family and all distracting them.
He tells himself that's why he took her on: she needs some space, and she's clever, and she's willing to take risks. It's not because he's desperately lonely. It's not because even the TARDIS isn't enough to fill the gaping, Rose-shaped hole in his life. It's not because the silence is overwhelming.
Though it is true that running for his life with a friendly hand in his does a good job of distracting him from the memories, at least for a while. At least until she goes to her bed, alone, and so does he.
***
I drift on the waves on the ocean,
blown at the mercy of the wind.
Martha knows the truth, and she's trying to get him to accept it. What she doesn't seem to understand is that he has accepted it; he accepted it long ago.
He's in love with Rose Tyler.
And he's not getting over it.
But he's not going to dwell on it. That way lies madness. If he dwelt on everyone he's ever loved and lost, he'd never be able to do anything else. He can't sit down and talk about everything, the way she seems to want him to. He has to keep moving on, looking forward. Because eventually, he'll lose her, too, even if she doesn't realise it. There is no 'forever.'
But when the rumours of a Captain Jack Harkness reach his ears, he allows himself to hope that there might be an 'again'. And when he finds Jack again, and discovers what Jack's gone through since Satellite Five, the love and the need and the loneliness and the compassion overwhelm him.
He leans forward and kisses Jack.
And the kissing leads to much, much more.
Lying beside Jack afterwards, the Doctor struggles with himself. How much should he tell Jack? How much would it be kind for him to know? Is it fair to burden Jack with the Doctor's own load of guilt and pain? But there's a ghost between them: the ghost of the third who once had been their lodestone, the sun around which they had orbited and who, in her own way, had brought warmth and life back to each of them.
He finds himself saying quietly into the silence: "Rose isn't dead."
Jack doesn't respond for a long moment. "What happened to her?" he asks at last.
The story is long and painful in the telling. At the end of it, he's in Jack's arms again, spooned against him with the ex-conman curled protectively around him. The Doctor takes a deep breath in, and lets it out slowly, pressing backward into Jack's warmth. The arms around him tighten briefly.
"I might know how we can get her back," Jack says.
***
great love extracts a great cost
The Doctor steps out of the TARDIS onto an American beach and finds her there, smiling and teary-eyed and packed, ready to leave. Three steps later, she's holding him tightly. He closes his eyes, fighting back the tears that threaten. Somehow, he lets go of her enough to pull back and look into her eyes, and finally, he is able to say the five words that he's wanted to say for all these years. Finally, he is able to touch his lips again to hers, taste the sweetness that is Rose, feel her body pressed against him.
But his heart isn't yet whole. Not quite. Not until they're back in the TARDIS. Rose hugs Jack, and then, as one, the two of them turn to him and hold out their hands. He comes to them, and they wrap their arms around each other in a tight, warm three-way hug. He bows his head, resting his cheek against Rose's hair and feeling Jack's lips soft against his forehead. "I love you," someone says. It's not until their arms tighten even more around him that he realises the speaker is himself.
***
All creatures in the universe
return to the point where they began.
Tags:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 04:23 am (UTC)But his heart isn't yet whole. Not quite. Not until they're back in the TARDIS. Rose hugs Jack, and then, as one, the two of them turn to him and hold out their hands. He comes to them, and they wrap their arms around each other in a tight, warm three-way hug.
Beautiful. :))) My favourite threesome all together again. Love it!
And I haven't forgotten that you promised me more ;)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 04:25 am (UTC)Already gushed on IM, but you get to hear it again! So ha! I love it :) Adore it, really. Draw little hearts around it and everything.
But what really, really got to me? It was this:
He bows his head, resting his cheek against Rose's hair and feeling Jack's lips soft against his forehead. "I love you," someone says. It's not until their arms tighten even more around him that he realises the speaker is himself.
Awwwww... Love it. And I look forward to the sequel ;)
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 06:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 07:23 am (UTC)Dang. You keep making me feel so outclassed! :-D
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 09:16 am (UTC)Wow, thhis is every bit as beautiful as the first two stories. I don't have the words to express how fantastic it really is. Well done.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 09:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 10:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 10:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 01:38 pm (UTC)In conclusion, yay you!
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 04:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 05:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-25 12:08 am (UTC)I can't stop giggling.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-21 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-22 10:58 am (UTC)Soo lovely.
no subject
Date: 2007-04-22 02:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-23 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-04-25 12:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-02 07:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-15 01:00 am (UTC)These three fics have brought honest to God tears to my eyes. You ROCK!!
no subject
Date: 2007-05-26 01:30 am (UTC)Wonderful job, thanks.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-26 01:40 am (UTC)