aibhinn_fics | Crack!fic: A Spoonful of Sugar

Title: A Spoonful of Sugar
Author:

aibhinn
Rating: G
Character(s): Ten, Rose, and a Very Familiar Face.
Warnings: Crack!fic. Serious, serious crack.
Disclaimer: Nobody could possibly believe I think I own any of the characters portrayed here. At least, I hope not. I certainly don't.
Summary: Sometimes Time Lords—or Ladies—are found in the oddest places.
Author's Note: Apologies for this one. I blame

kynaii for the original plot bunny, but posting it is entirely my fault.

Of all the places and all the people Rose had seen in her travels with the Doctor, this was one she never expected.

"You're telling me Mary Poppins is a Time Lord?" she said, disbelief colouring her voice.

"Time Lady, if you please," Mary Poppins said gently but firmly. She was dressed exactly like Julie Andrews in the movie, down to the hat and the brolly with the parrot-head. "There is a difference, as Romanadvoratrelundur would undoubtedly remind you, were she present."

The Doctor grinned. "That's a dead givaway right there," he told Rose. "Nitpicky to the last, my people."

"A reasonable request for accuracy of nominative is hardly nitpicking." Mary Poppins looked him up and down. "You've changed since last I saw you. No more celery?"

"Celery?" Rose repeated blankly.

"Decorative vegetables were all the rage on Gallifrey, and I was going through a fashionable phase," he said dismissively. "Much more importantly than that—how did you survive the War?"

Mary Poppins sighed. "I was with a family at the time, and the Council didn't know how to find me. They were never able to quite understand why I'm rarely in my TARDIS." She touched her carpetbag fondly, where it sat on the bench beside her.

"That's a TARDIS?" This was just getting too weird, Rose thought.

"Certainly. Not all of them have malfunctioning chameleon circuits, you know." But Mary Poppins' gaze at the Doctor's TARDIS was fond. "I do love the old Type 40s, even if they can be difficult to find parts for. Still, my Type 80 suits my needs, though I haven't needed to translate more than the occasional dog conversation for some time."

Rose grinned suddenly. "That's Andrew, right?" Now they were on familiar ground; she'd watched their copy of the movie so often as a child that the tape had broken and her mum'd had to buy a new one.

Mary Poppins blinked. "Indeed. May I ask how you know?"

"Oh, don't give me that," the Doctor said, rolling his eyes. "You knew exactly what would happen when you talked to that Travers woman."

"I certainly did not." Mary Poppins sniffed. "I had no idea Walter would want to make a film of her story. And I certainly never expected to watch an American comedian make a dreadful attempt at a British accent and dance with animated penguins. Utterly undignified. I'm amazed Mrs. Travers allowed it." She paused, and a gleam appeared in her eyes—a gleam that looked remarkably like humour. "Though I do rather like the whole 'spoonful of sugar' bit. I've quite adopted it as my own."

Rose laughed. "You mean it wasn't?"

"Oh, no doubt I said something similar to it, my dear, but Mrs. Travers had such a way with words. It's one of the reasons I chose to tell my story to her. No-one else could have done it justice."

"Be careful," the Doctor told her, "or you'll get Rose set on meeting Uncle Albert."

Rose's eyes widened. "A tea-party on the ceiling? Oh, I always wanted one of those when I was a kid!"

"I'm afraid Uncle Albert's returned to his home planet," Mary Poppins said. "Things were getting too scientific as the twentieth century progressed, and he could no longer get away with simply being considered 'eccentric.' His safety was at stake." She took in Rose's disappointment and added, "But, of course, we could always have one without him. It's not terribly difficult, really; we just have to adapt the Zero Room to human emotional states. The Doctor and I, of course, can modify our gravitational pull ourselves."

Rose blinked and turned to the Doctor, wide-eyed. He winked at her. "Time Lord superpowers," he told her smugly. "So!" He turned back to Mary Poppins. "Tea it is. Your place or mine? And any chance of cakes with edible ball bearings?"